Saturday 30 October 2010

When a voice makes all the difference...


I was never much of a reader as a boy but I found listening to audiobooks an invaluable way to enjoy the excitement of stories without the chore of actually reading words on a page. I also listened to them as a sleeping aid.

These days I listen to audiobooks to keep me entertained on my long walks to work each day. In the past I have really enjoyed listening to such classics as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde read by Christopher Lee and I Am Legend read by Robertson Dean these artists actually work hard to bring the story to life and create characters using only their voices, acting abilities and enthusiasm to create a tense and enjoyable atmosphere...then you get people like Edward Asner who narrated an audiobook version of 'Sphere' by Michael Crichton.

Asner is, without a doubt, the most infuriating narrator I have ever experienced. I understand that he may be popular in the US for his work as Lou Grant on the 'Mary Tyler Moore Show' but his audiobook work is so atrocious I found myself convinced that throwing myself off a bridge was preferable to listening to another second of his wheezing, mumbling intonations.

When Asner is trying to sound sincere he sounds bored to the verge of passing out and speaks so softly you can hardly hear him, at points his voice is barely more than a whisper. When the tempo increases and the excitement builds Asner compensates for this by attempting to speed up his dialogue, as one does when something exciting happens, however due to his lack of skill (and possibly due to being a thousand years old) he cannot keep up with his own words and ends up muttering and slurring. In fact Asner was 72 years old in 2001 when he made this recording and it really shows, in consequence all of the characters in the story sound ancient. There is no variation in his voice for different characters which makes it hard to tell who is saying what. The only exception to this are his pathetic attempts at imitating a female which he does by softening his voice even more (which hardly seems possible) and raising the pitch slightly. As a result when two female characters have a conversation it sounds like a geriatric drag queen talking to himself.

Asner effectively ruined the story for me as I found myself physically unable to listen to his voice for more than five minutes without wanting to break things. If I was ever a spy and captured by the enemy there would be no need to electrocute, starve or beat me. Just tie me to a chair and force me to listen to Asner going on for ten minutes and I'd be willing to tell you anything you wanted to know.

Have you ever had a bad audiobook experience?

18 comments:

  1. Yes! I have had so many bad audio book experiences that I can't mention any specific one. Finding a good audio book is very hard. Even fantastic books can be ruined by the wrong narrator. I have abondoned so many audio books after just a few minutes that I now never get an audio book without checking an audio book review for it (or the Audie awards)

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  2. Haha! Your description of your Ed Asner/Sphere experience is priceless.

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  3. I once tried to listen to Heart of Darkness on audio. It was excruciating. ;)

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  4. My worst audiobook experience was listening to Kathy Bates narrate the abridged version of Jane Smiley's A Thousand Acres. First off, I didn't realise it was an abridgement, but her narration was so flat and lifeless to listen to.

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  5. I love audiobooks but I do feel your pain! I particularly dislike some female narrators that just add a real whine/screech to their tone and use that as another character voice! I don't borrow or purchase an audiobook these days without listening to an audio sample first - it can be too disappointing otherwise...

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  6. What a shame. It is so true that a bad narrator can ruin an audiobook. I was used to listening to the Harrp Potter audiobooks narrated by Stephen Fry and I was so disappointed when I heard it narrated by the American guy. It just wasn't half as good

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  7. Oh yes, I've had audiobooks that I had to simply turn off after 20 minutes or so. Ugh.

    Have you been by Audiobook Jukebox yet? It's a pretty good resource if I do say so myself:

    http://audiobookjukebox.blogspot.com/

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  8. Yes, especially with children's audio book narrators who try to infuse something artificially precious in the voices for the small people. And working in a school, I have seen first hand that it puts not just me off but children as well. You can watch their eyes, see the attachment to the story vacate, and they are lost to the experience. Children can smell a fake better than anyone.

    As for Asner, I would l think him to be an iffy choice for reader. He is such a personality that I don't know if her could sacrifice that to the needs of a book.

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  9. @ Jackie: I had no idea audiobooks could be so hit and miss! I guess I've been very lucky with the ones I've listened to previously

    @ Kathy: Thanks, I aim to please :o)

    @ cdmaczane: I haven't heard that one. Who did the reading?

    @ Marg: It's amazing when a good actor does a lousy job narrating. It must be harder to do than it seems. I had a similarly bad experience listening to Sissy Spacek reading To Kill a Mockingbird. That book is one of my favourites but Sissy sounded so bored she ruined it for me

    @ BBB: Yes, listening to a preview is a must! I order my audiobooks from the itunes store and they give previews to all their audiobooks

    @ Becky: I had heard that Stephen Fry did a good job and was popular reading them. It's a shame when people change things that work.

    @ Beth F: I will take a look at that blog, thanks for the recommendation!

    @ Frances: When I was a kid I loved my 'Krindlekrax' audiobook. It was narrated by Rik Mayall (a much loved British comedian) absolutely brilliant

    Chris

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  10. Oh wow that sounds bad! I'm not familiar with the show or Asner so I don't know what his voice is like, but that sure conjured up a horrible audiobook experience!

    I haven't tried many, but last year I borrowed from the public library the audiobook Son of a Witch. The author, Gregory Maguire, did the audio and he put on the most irritating voices for the characters I've ever had the misfortune to hear! His narration voice wasn't much better either. It was painful to listen to and I only got a few chapters in before giving up. The voice also meant that I couldn't concentrate on what was actually happening or being said, so I had to rewind parts and listen to them again - his horrible narration was really distracting!

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  11. @ Shannon: I know exactly what you mean, it was the same for me. Asner's voice was so irritating I found myself unable to concentrate on what was going on. It totally ruined the book for me. I'm going to have to buy the paper version now! lol

    Chris

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  12. I can't imagine who would think Asner was a good choice for an audiobook. That gravelly voice was great for a hard-boiled newsroom director, but would be awful to listen to for the length of a book.

    Frankly, my auditory attention span is so short that the only time I can listen to an audiobook is when I'm driving across the desert and there's nothing to distract me. Try the LA to Phoenix, Arizona route sometime and probably even Asner will sound good!

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  13. @ 2manybooks2littletime: Asner's voice was truly tortuous to listen to for more than an hour (which is as far as I got) I have no idea who thought it was a good idea but they were very wrong!

    The LA to Phoenix route sounds like something to avoid! Fortunately thats a road i'm never likely to drive along :o)

    Chris

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  14. Sorry you had such a bad listening experience, but your post made me laugh out loud!

    The narrator is crucial for me; I know within the first 15 minutes if the book is something I will continue with -- two recent stars for me were a Brillance Audio version of Frankenstein and and audiobook of The Warden by Trollope.

    Right now I am listening to The Woman in White and enjoying it very much.

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  15. @ TheBookGirl: I'm happy my suffering entertained you! ;o)

    On a serious note I am the same as you; I tend to know within a very short time whether an audiobook will be worth sticking with. I recently downloaded (by mistake) a childrens version of Frankenstein so I'd be interested in trying to hear the proper version!

    Chris

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  16. I've listened to 2 audiobooks in my life. One was 'Cinderella' narrated by Judi Dench. I was about 7 and I wore the tape out listening to it over and over again.

    The other was 'Rapture' earlier this year (for the June Audiobook Month). While technology has moved along I found audiobooks made me sleepy. The narrator also insisted on doing accents for all the characters, including a pretty naff one for a Scottish fellow. It was a love/ hate thing.

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  17. I've listened to 2 audiobooks in my life. One was 'Cinderella' narrated by Judi Dench. I was about 7 and I wore the tape out listening to it over and over again.

    The other was 'Rapture' earlier this year (for the June Audiobook Month). While technology has moved along I found audiobooks made me sleepy. The narrator also insisted on doing accents for all the characters, including a pretty naff one for a Scottish fellow. It was a love/ hate thing.

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  18. @ Mywordlyobsessions: It takes alot of skill to pull off a convincing accent and it seems alot of actors struggle with it. I know what you mean about getting sleepy listening to audiobooks, they used to knock me out quite effectively when I was a kid.

    Chris

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